The Big Smoke

Blogsome is too fucking buggy. And too fucking laggy. I can’t take this motherfucking shit anymore. I’m moving my blog and my business to

http://thebigsmoke.blog.com/ 

Director: Steven Spielberg Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series. 

I’m not too good for Spielberg films. In fact, I like a lot of Spielberg movies. Except when he’s being a fucking cunt. What I’m talking about is when he said that ‘Life is Beautiful’ was laughing at the Holocaust, while claiming in the same breath that he hadn’t seen it and would never see it.

First off: Criticizing a movie you’ve never fucking seen?

Second off: ‘Life is Beautiful’ was easily the most heart-breaking holocaust/WWII movie of all time. ‘Schindler’s List’ and ‘Saving Private Ryan’, on the other hand, were nothing but fake, canned emotion. Those two films are fucking blatant exploitation: Spielberg profited more off the Holocaust than Hitler ever did.

Schindler’s List was especially bad for fake Hollywood emotion. It was like watching a fucking Very Special Episode of Full House.

But Jurassic Park is Spielberg doing what he does best: Making mindless blockbusters, and damn is this this a classic. It’s also proof that CGI doesn’t have to suck ass. I don’t know what happened to the industry, that when CGI came out, they threw their arms up in the air and said, "The Age of Professionalism is Over! We’ll never have to do good special effects again!"

Jurassic Park uses heavy CGI and it looks ten times less phony than any CGI films that’s come in the last ten years. And this was fucking 1993, he was using some primitive technology. And check this shit out:

Did I fucking hear that properly? Or have I gone fucking insane? I know movies aren’t reality, but there’s such a thing as putting out a professional fucking product. The Star Wars prequels looked like an F- film school project. And it’s not because of CGI itself, it’s because of your lack of talent as a film maker.

George Lucas is a fucking hack. Everything good about Star Wars was either someone else’s idea, or ripped off from a Japanese film. And that fuckhead has so much sway in the industry that he can not only prevent Japanese films from having mainstream releases in the West (presumably so he can steal from them some more), but he has actually ruined special effects forever. Fuck you, Lucas.

In conclusion, Jurassic Park is a very good movie. Five stars.

Ugly Sexy - Laura Dern is a good actress, but she’s not that hot, and ‘I Am Sam’?! I can’t believe I actually watched that shit, you cunt. That was almost as fake as a Spielberg WWII movie.

Anti-Establishment - There’s some shit about scientists, and man playing God, but you can fast-forward through those parks. Akira did it better.

Rock and Roll -  Just some mainly quiet film-score music here. Spielberg doesn’t actually like listening to music, he prefers the sound of his own smug self-satisfaction.

Generously borrowed from this site. I hope this doesn’t break the sidebar for any of you IE users. If so tell me and I’ll fix it.

I just read Bianca’s post on English-Language reinovator Wiliam Quick, and I found this at the top of every page on his site:

And at the bottom of every post, check out this widget bloat bullshit:

Interweb, I want to share with you a labour-saving device that rivals the hair curling iron, the vacuum cleaner, and the electric kettle - put together - in the sheer amount of basking in the warm glow of unearned leisure it brings. I’d talk this marvel up until you’re fit to burst with the suspense, but personally I’m more excited than a fangirl hearing on the gapevine of a new Johnny Depp flick. So, without further ado, I bring you Recoining.

"The term Blogosphere was coined on Septermber 10, 1999 by Brad L. Graham, as a joke. It was re-coined in 2002 by William Quick and was quickly adopted and propagated by the warblog community" (Wikipedia)

I’m sure I don’t need to link you to Quick’s blog to show where he trumpets his innovative achievement, as the fame of his deed echoes across the Blogosphere at a level where if internetters weren’t so into porn and other forms of self-stimulation they’d have composed the epic of e-Cid about him.

And rightly so!

Think about it. Instead of sweating over the futile task of being original in a world where nothing is original, all one needs to do is take any term and re-coin it. Ingenious.

I’m pondering just which word to roll through the counterfeiter. There are so many, after all, to choose from. "The"? No, silly. "Pop Culture"? Possibly. To be honest, I’m not pondering, but hitting a wall. I suppose it’s not the concept so much as the process of stamping one’s own head on the counterfeit coin that I’m having trouble with. Re-coining, I suspect, takes a far harder and larger (I’d say Regal) head than I possess.

One day, maybe, I’ll get there, and at least I know that there’s a lot of eager consumers out there willing to use counterfeit culture to buy life’s little luxuries. Until then I have people like William Quick to admire, and so do you. There is something truly great to aspire to still.

Isn’t that a reassuring thought?

Normally I hate blogs that have link-only posts, but THIS one is worth it. That’s the most insane looking fish I’ve ever seen.

-Caio 

I read this article and I hope it’s not just meaningless bullshit hype. Especially as Google has a censorship deal with the Chinese Government, and may have helped inadvertently throw an activist in prison themselves. Don’t be fucking evil indeed.

I’m still feeling too lazy to give you people a well-thought-out anything, or even use some stupid image I’ve already hosted, so I’m keeping it short and simple by dipping into the internet’s never ending gold mine of sort-of funny humour: Crazy Freaks. In this case "godhatesfags.com".

Godhatesfags.com advertised a protest of Gerald Ford’s funeral. Why? Because he was the only pro-gay Republican (I guess…).

What the fuck? Were they trying to change his fucking mind?… You can’t do that because he’s dead!

Thanks to fuckhead hippies and fuckhead rednecks, protests don’t even have meaning anymore. A protest is nothing but a social occasion now, like drinking coffee but dressed like a retard. Fuck you protesters.
 

"Fuck you, the establishment" Says this generation’s Zack de la Rocha, John "Pussy Hypocrite" Stewart. Such unapologetic Man-Baiting and Weisenheimery is typical of Comedy Central’s America-Hating hit "The Daily Show"

This will be gone as soon as you can say ‘Fight the Man’, although at least some of the writers of this show have expressed the view that they don’t give a shit about this sort of thing.

Let me tell you a little story: I live in Canada. The mother fuckers at Comedy Central (and the sci-fi channel) are so motherfucking hip beyond words, by broadcasting their anti-establishment Daily Show and by supporting outspoken, fuck-the-man-rebellious comedians like David Cross, decided a long time ago that it would be illegal to play the show ‘Mystery Science Theatre 3000′ in all of Canada. Further, it would be illegal of me to go onto Frostwire, or whatever equivalent service and download an episode.

I would gladly pay to see a show of that quality. But they wont let me. They wont let me see advertisements interrupting that show every ten minutes. They wont accept a tenth of my income, which I would gladly give, because due to some primitive, misguided bigotry, they’ve decided that they will never allow themselves to make a profit off of Canadians.

 Now, I was watching the news every day for the last five years or so, and it came to my attention that America, economically speaking, is on a massive downward spiral. It’s also come to my attention that the White House consistently blames 9-11, an event most Americans don’t even believe happened. I’ve also noticed that Canada is becoming gradually richer and richer, and our currency is comparing better and better with the United States’, not because we’re doing anything amazing, but just because, by comparison to our closest neighbour, our country’s economy isn’t rocket-propelling itself down the shitter.

Might it have something to do with the fact that most American Corporations have been spending billions of dollars suing 12 year old kids for downloading music? Or maybe the fact that every company is on fucking welfare like a common Englishman? Or maybe it’s the fact that after investing a bunch of money to make hours worth of a show, and suing little kids over ownership rights, Comedy Central has decided to withhold the show from Over Thirty Million Potential Customers?

Thank God that YouTube/Google have now made it apparently completely legal to watch MST3K on the web. My sexual tubes, which by now have integrated with the internet’s completely, made a little atrophied movement of joy just now, I assume.

For those of you who keep up with the Portuguese edition of this blog, you’ll know that I don’t just think of myself as a ‘blogueiro’ (blogger), I think of myself as a ‘bloguerreiro’ (blog-warrior). Why? Because I always win.
 

So don’t for get to BlogRegister your BlogReview account and BlogRate me. Also, don’t forget to vote for me in the ‘Anual Best of the Blogs’, or the ‘Official Blogging Digest Blog Annual Review’ or the prestigious ‘Blog World’s Blogging Challenge’.

Vote for me, and I swear to god I’ll vote for your crappy blog without even reading it. Remember: We bloggers are in this together. Thick or thin, bad or good, right or wrong.