Who the Fuck?
Who the fuck cares about my health so much that it bothers them I smoke at home, or in the alley behind my work? For all the ever-loving care they exude upon me, for the healthy decades they want to add to my life, where are all these people when I need it? If all of you anti-smoking activists really want to do me a favour, give me some money when I’m broke. Fill in for me at work. Help me do my taxes. Because from my point of view, all you folks are doing is condemning me to an extra-long life of shit and stress, and taking away my primary form of relaxation.
I know second-hand smoke is unhealthy, and you’ll catch me dead before you catch me smoking around non-smokers. And I’d never smoke in front of kids. If I see a kid, I hide my cigarette, even if it burns my hand. And if I smoke in public, I find a hidden place to do it. I don’t want to blow smoke in people’s face - it’s rude to make people smell you.
A) Smoking Makes You Hot. B) Ugly People are Bitter and Complain about Stupid Shit that Doesn’t Affect them Personally. C) ??? I don’t want to draw any conclusions based on what we educated people call a "syllogism" but I’m just sayin’…
I’m young, so I haven’t been in the workforce for decades, but I remember when I was guaranteed, by law, five minutes an hour. Now I get thirty minutes every four hours unless I’ve got a boss who smokes as well and feels some sympathy.
There was a time when people who worked office jobs were not only allowed to smoke, but to drink. Seriously. They weren’t allowed to get pissed, but they could sip on something to calm their nerves. Us modern folk are working the same jobs, same hours, and we can’t smoke or drink? All we have is coffee, and I don’t know about you but coffee makes me a fuck of a lot more fucking tense, man. You expect me to do quality work, and you provide me no means of marginalizing the stress and focusing on what I’m fucking doing? Fuck you, man.
Why do you think people spend all day at work not doing shit but surfing the net and sending knock-knock joke e-mails. If you’ve got a four+ hour stretch of nothing but work, you’re not going keep your focus that long, without some kind of release. I can sip a drink as I work, and I can run out for five minutes to smoke, but if I loose my focus and start sending retarded joke e-mails, I’m done for that four hours. There’s your productivity issues right there man.
And fuck a long life. You know, I still have a longer life ahead of me smoking than most of humanity has ever been gifted - longer than most people alive today can expect. Ever been to an old-world museum with graves? The average peasant (nearly everyone) was damned lucky to make it to thirty years of age. If I can make it to even 45 smoking, that’s still a blessed gift from modern civilization. I’m not gonna get greedy and beg for eighty.
So here’s my question to you, internet: Who are these people who don’t want me to smoke in an alley, or in the comfort of my own home, or to drink at work? They must have stress. They must live in the real world. How do they let it out so they can live their lives? I’ll tell you: They fuck shit up for other people under the bullshit excuse of ‘caring about humanity’. Those pussies who care about humanity are doing nothing but laughing with schadenfreude.
